Whether it is called rekindling the flame, relaunching your couple or waking up your libido, this problem will concern you eventually, if it is not already the case. After daze comes to habit, wrote Montherlant. So if like millions of couples, you have the impression that your story is hanging by a thread, the time has come to try a handful of these 10 techniques to rekindle the flame in your relationship.
Moreover, if really, think nothing works, you may need to learn to choose the right person. For the next time. I say that just in case you want to be a little reasonable and happy.
- Ask yourself personal questions
The internet provides for everything today. In particular, it provides kilotons of questions to ask your loved one, in the case – unlikely, I hope – where your imagination fails.
Examples of those proposed in particular by Dr. Arthur Aron in Building Closeness: “when did you last cry” and “what / who are you most grateful for”. Sit in a quiet cafe with your list in your pocket and get ready: the hours will scroll at high speed.
In short, personal questions are undoubtedly the ultimate way to establish a new form of connection with your partner, if he/she really plays the game and dares to engage
- Learn to decode the language of the other
Everyone has their own way of expressing their feelings, their own language of love. Gary Chapman, for example, sees five:
The quality of the moments spent together
Rekindling the flame – understanding the language of love for others
It’s very nice, but I count countless cases of mutual misunderstanding because one expresses his love through 1000 small daily services that she does not notice (bring his wife’s car to the garage owner, fix whatever needs it in her apartment), while she waits – in vain – for hugs and little words hidden under the pillow.
- Be interested in what interests him
This is the childhood of art for plastic personalities (called, in my jargon, Lego women, because they are essentially women). For others, those devoid of empathy as are the majority of men, it is already a challenge in itself to manage to show interest in the passion of one’s partner.
Well, then it must be said that, very often, she does not help much, if her field of interests does not go beyond the female press, her children and her dance class. Still, give him the chance to share (a little) his passion with you. Read her favorite books, for example, she will be flattered. In addition, refrain from criticizing. Criticism rarely rekindles the flame, even in the second degree and says without being mean.
- Exercise together
Suffering brings people together, even gentle. In psychology, it’s called traumatic bonding. At a minimum, run together from time to time, or set yourself a physical challenge whose preparation will involve many hours spent together. Your bodies will release a large sachet of endorphins each session and just thinking about it, you will already feel connected.
Personally, I really like to kiss my partner when she is still hot and covered in sweat. Nothing like to rekindle the flame in my couple than a feeling, his body throb with the physical effort made together.
- Treat yourself to playlists
But yes, remember. In the 90s, the best way to declare your love to the most beautiful girl in the class was to burn her a CD, aka stuff her with all her “message” songs of the moment. Alternatively, in the 80s, it was a cassette. The best soundtracks are made in old media, and it’s a vintage hi-fi geek who tells you.
- Send your daring pictures
Do you remember the first days of your meeting, when you shuddered at the idea of receiving a photo of her cleavage from your beauty’s office?
Men are visual but need to be made to understand what to look at. If wearing your new lingerie at home inadvertently does not have the expected effect because your Loulou does not have the gift of observation (few men have it), he will be much more warmed by the idea to receive a photo of it during his lunch break, with an ingenious comment like “what do you think of my shopping?
To rekindle the flame, lingerie is not a necessary condition; you still have to know how to highlight it, be desired, and for this nothing better than texting
- Laugh or make love, you have to choose
You don’t joke with love, said the other. It is discussed, but what is certain is that we do not laugh during love. The problem with couples who no longer work is that they do not talk to each other, but there is also the opposite counterpart, the tendency to pour towards the buddy-buddy. Your partner can become a real friend, even a great friend, but never your best friend. Why? Because the jokes, mockery and fat jokes that make up “best friend” type relationships are incompatible with sexuality. We cannot desire and have laughed at the same time, it is impossible. Sexuality, to work, must be taken literally in the first degree.
- Book a boutique hotel in your own city
I do not know any, but then no sensible woman who would not fall for such attention. There is a real market for charming hotels at the moment in most cities, even those of medium size, and one night is often enough to completely get away from it all. Especially for those whose poor apartment is invaded by the toys of children littering the floor, the mere sight of which is enough to annihilate the last remains of libido that could have remained after a day of hell from the workforce.
Rekindle the flame in your relationship: surprise them with a night in a boutique hotel can only do good to your mutual libido
- Look more in the eye
One of the paradoxes of the couple is that it becomes more and more difficult over time to make eye contact without speaking. This is almost like a physical challenge, like not laughing in the presence of a grimace. Is it the weight of the thousand little sprains to absolute love as we imagined it? If a picture is worth 1000 words, a silent, frank and intense look, eyes in the eyes, two mouths that breathe, it is well worth an hour of small talk.