Each marriage has its issues, which can emerge anytime. The significant thing is to figure out how to manage it tenderly and before they tarnish the relationship. Here are the best tips and guidance for an upbeat and enduring marriage.
- Look for a love balance.
Fatigue, dissatisfaction, and everyday aggravations can extinguish the fire among you and it isn’t by duplicating them that you will rekindle it. On the other hand, you will succeed if you emphasize the good sides of your relationship. Here’s how:
It takes on average twenty positive remarks to compensate for the harm resulting from a single negative comment, a hard look or an impatient “hum”. Therefore, reinforce the positive and moderate the negative. Complimenting your wife and her new shoes, your husband for his dressing sense. Thank them for their participation in household chores. Call her at her office to tell her that you are thinking about her (most importantly, avoid discussing household chores or bad grades from children).
Make sure your compliments and thanks are sincere and specific: “I realize I can fully rely on you to keep my car safe and in impeccable working condition.” “This tablecloth is very pretty. You always find a way to make our house a pleasant place. ” Look your partner in the eye when you smile or compliment them. Accompany a tender gesture with a small happy sigh.
- Keep in mind that no one is perfect.
It is sometimes tempting to make your spouse bear responsibility for the feelings of anger, disappointment, boredom or stress that you experience with your marriage. It is a mistake. When you try to change your spouse, you put him on the defensive and you find yourself in the role of the hateful character. Result of the races: neither of them changes or takes responsibility for their actions, and both are unhappy. Not to mention that, by transforming your spouse into a villain, you ignore all that is good in him and that constitutes the essence of his person.
The solution is to change yourself. When one recognizes one’s own faults and pays attention to the qualities of the other, magic appears. Optimism returns. The partner feels better because he knows he is more appreciated and less criticized. And the two members of the couple find the motivation to change so as to give birth to even more joy.
- Put some energy into it.
Here is the exemplary tip that specialists provide for singles searching for the ideal accomplice: be simply the perfect partner and the one you are searching for will come to you. The equivalent goes for a marriage. The more joyful you are, the more joyful your marriage will be and the better you will oversee clashes. In the event that 15 minutes of morning yoga, changing to decaf or another leisure activity benefit you, this will be reflected in your relationship, which will be more extravagant and more joyful.
In the meantime, recognize it: in the past, you took great care of your hair and were always looking for the sexiest lingerie item in town, but today, you are content with a stained tracksuit and of a distorted old t-shirt. It’s time to revamp your appearance a bit. Paint your mane, brush your teeth and put on a new dress. You will like what you see in the mirror, your eyes will shine more and your eyes will ignite your husband. You know what you have to do next!
- Be loyal to your arguments.
In a marriage, conflicts are normal, even healthy. It’s how you manage them that matters. In a Florida study, 70% of long-time couples who said they were satisfied with their relationship believed that combined problem solving was a key factor; only 33% of dissatisfied couples had mastered this approach. With a good attitude and the right tools, conflicts prepare the way for greater intimacy: the possibility of being seen and loved for what one is, of accepting, in all its beauty, the vulnerability of one’s spouse and strengthen the bonds of marriage, free from resentment and despair.
Above all, avoid criticism, confrontation, and animosity, which act like gas on fire. After following 79 couples for more than 10 years, researchers at the University of California discovered that those who divorced early argued long and loudly, and were always ready to attack or fight. In contrast, happy couples avoided criticism, escalation, and words like “never” and “always”.
- Choose the right time and the right place.
Avoid difficult subjects when you are tired or hungry, situations that may give rise to unpleasant remarks or black thoughts. For the same reason, do not drink alcohol during an argument. Reserve it instead to celebrate the return of peace.
Never discuss your marital problems if you are busy with something else. Turn off the TV or computer, hang up the phone, and close your magazine. If you are distracted or have to go out, choose another time to chat. You cannot resolve a conflict while doing something else.
- Open your ears wide.
The best thing you can do to strengthen your relationship is to be a good listener. Reproaches, insults, criticism, and intimidation can only lead to rupture or, at least, to a hellish life. When conservation takes the form of a fight, allow your partner to express his feelings. There will always be time to propose a solution or to defend yourself. Shake your head, rephrase one of his sentences or simply signal him with a delicate “yes-yes” that you recognize the emotions behind his words. Sometimes all you need to get close to each other is to pay attention to what he really has to say.
Whether you are an old couple or a newly married couple, there are basic rules to follow. It is not always easy to put them into practice, but it is important to do so. If you respect them, your marriage will be even more solid and you will appreciate even more the good sides of the married life.